I can’t believe how time has flown by. I know most of us feel the same way come every December but the year 2024 seems like a blur to me. I had a baby girl in March of 2024, and life became a roller coaster ride soon after. Every day there was something new. A new lesson learned, a new emotion unraveling. Most of pregnancy was spent reading books about pregnancy, not on what to expect after having the baby, and how to care for the baby. Luckily, our pediatrician gave us a great resource on day 1 and we have the book, Baby 411, now as our bible. 

Work brain/mom brain

Nobody told me how my work life would change after becoming a mom. Not even the baby book that our pediatrician recommended. You would think there may be a section on pumping while at work or managing our schedules better. Nope. All of that is learned on the ‘job ‘as well. 

I am in Portland as I write this blog out, attending my first big CE course after the baby. It feels surreal to be away from her, yet it feels oddly nourishing. Like I am feeding my soul something it was searching for so long. Education. Learning more of my craft. I had been craving it but had not realized what it was before I went to class this morning.

I cried on the way to work last week and cried again the night before I left for Portland. I tried to explain to the baby that I’ll be gone. We had just spent two full months vacationing with the grandparents and as a family, so I naturally thought she would miss me. However, she just smiled and continued playing with her toys. To me though, it felt selfish to leave her behind. To leave the parenting over to a nanny. Is it weird to have babies and then leave them all day with a caregiver while we go do the easier thing such as dentistry or engineering? I am not saying our careers are easy. However, they are easier than parenting. Nothing comes close to parenting. The emotional, physical toll parenting takes on you is nerve wracking, exhilarating, fun and draining. All at the same time.  

Some of our lecturers here are moms themselves. Being a mother has given me a new found appreciation for other parents, and especially working moms. How do they do it all? How do they find the time to lecture? What do their spouses do? How do they arrange pick ups and drop offs? What do the kids do after school? What if the kid gets sick- which parent stays home? How do you manage a full day of patients if you had to stay home?

As you can tell, I have different questions now. It’s not just the stuff that involves direct patient care. It’s also the life stuff that often interrelates very closely with work. 

I would not be able to come to this course had it not been for a supportive spouse and a dedicated caregiver. Our nanny search was stressful. By pure luck, we had found a great nanny to care for our daughter all of last year. Then her son had a baby and she had to leave. While we were given enough notice to find another nanny, we found it hard to replace her. It’s like losing your favorite dental assistant to hygiene school. Nobody comes close to replacing them. They just ‘got’ you. They knew how you like things. You both fit like a puzzle. 

We found another nanny who worked out for two days, and then messed up on the third day so we had to let her go. For a split second I thought I was being too harsh, too quick to let her go. But the pit in my stomach told me I’d regret it if I didn’t. I wonder if becoming a mom makes you savage. Makes your resolve stronger. You know what the best is and so, don’t want to settle for average. 

Work disparities

I’ve also become a slightly different kind of professional after becoming a mom. I want to be as productive and efficient as possible with my clinical days. I want to lessen appointment times for my patients and wait times between next appointments. Why should someone wait months before getting their dentures? Why should someone have a high spot or a loose crown? It is as inconvenient and disappointing for patients as it is for our teams to have to see patients again for an unnecessary procedure. Just do good work the first time around. Easy to say yet hard to implement.

Additionally, I’m bothered by the disconnect between hourly workers and production-based workers. As Charlie Munger says, show me the incentive, and I’ll show you the outcome. Its hard for me to understand why we are still having our assistants work on an hourly basis. Why not provide them with a daily fixed pay instead? Most dentists want to have a productive day and leave early. Yet assistants want to ‘get their hours in’ and stay until 5. The incentives are totally misaligned. Most of our assistants are parents themselves. How are they managing childcare if schools are out at 3 and they are still at work come 5?

We need to do better for our teams. There is a need for more creative solutions. Our society and our profession has simply not kept up with the needs of our communities.

Perhaps this is not a blog post you wanted to read. Its just what has been on my mind. Thanks for reading and do share your thoughts!